It’s a fact: the more celebrities talk openly about previously taboo topics, the better the public deal with them.
Gabby Logan and her husband Kenny’s honesty about the impact of his battle with prostate cancer on their sex life will have far-reaching consequences – for women as well as men.
Prostate cancer doesn’t just affect the patient, it can have a profound effect on a couple’s sex life and relationship.
The most common side effect of prostate surgery is an erection that’s not consistent. This is due to nerve damage during the surgery. Some men lose length in their penis; incontinence can affect his quality of life.
Emotionally, it’s also difficult.
Gabby Logan and her husband Kenny (pictured in May 2024 in London) opened up about their love life following his cancer battle
It’s not just physical symptoms he’ll struggle with. It’s not unusual for men to stop having sex after prostate surgery out of embarrassment and shame.
His body image suffers and lots of men say they feel less attractive.
Affection can disappear along with sex: what happens if he cuddles you and you expect more, and he can’t deliver?
Meanwhile, you’re nervous about suggesting sex, in case he’s not ready for it. Which some men interpret as you not wanting to have sex with a man whose penis isn’t what it was.
How you’ll cope reflects on your personalities and level of coping skills. As always, communication is key.
Couples who talk openly with each other about what’s going on, survive the journey – and often thrive.
HOW TO HAVE HOT SEX… WITHOUT AN ERECTION
It might not feel like it at the time, but him having prostate surgery can enhance your sex life – mainly because it causes ED (erectile dysfunction).
If men can learn to relax into sex that isn’t intercourse focused, they learn to enjoy foreplay. Because they take longer to get aroused – which may or may not produce an erection – they spend more time on pleasuring us, making for better sex all round.
Because women orgasm from stimulation of the clitoris, not through penetration, intercourse is often the least interesting part of sex for us. Not getting an erection might freak the hell out of men but it can be good news for his female partner.
Here’s how to have great sex – without his penis being star of the show!
The BBC sports presenter and the former rugby union star (pictured) have been together for 23 years
Kenny’s (pictured) prostate cancer was discovered after he’d gone to the doctor 비아그라복용법 to check his testosterone levels
Help him accept what’s happening. Crack this and the rest is easy.
First, you must understand that losing his ability to get a reliable erection is one of the worst things that’s happened to him. Don’t just approach the topic with kid gloves, imagine you’re holding a just hatched chick in the palm of your hand.
Try not to get upset or frustrated if he refuses to talk or, in your opinion, is overreacting to something that’s simply an unavoidable side effect of life-saving surgery. Be kind, be calm, be there for him and appreciate it’s going to take time for him to become comfortable with the ‘new’ him.
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Both be patient. Just because he can’t get an erection immediately, doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. It can take months or up to three years for stretched nerves, unavoidable during surgery, to recover.
Plan when you’ll have sex. A lot of men say, post prostate surgery, that they feel more comfortable knowing when sex will happen. He needs to know if he’s using a drug like Viagra or 비아그라복용법 wants to use a penis pump or injection. It also helps him get into the right mindset.
Sex isn’t just about the genitals. Being able to get an erection or not get an erection doesn’t define someone: we make love with our whole body, not just our genitals. Let an erection be the focus of sex and you’re missing the point entirely.
Let him know you can take care of yourself. If he knows you can climax through other means – a vibrator, him using his tongue or his fingers – the pressure for getting erect lessens.
Stop talking about the sex you used to have. Change focus. It’s not about penetration, erections or even orgasms anymore. This is new, different and exciting. Focus on what’s going right, not what’s going wrong.
Think slow and lazy. Take your time. Get naked. Have lots of deep kissing. Remember sex doesn’t have to include an orgasm for each of you – or any orgasms at all.
Take a break from intercourse. Have oral sex sessions, use hand stimulation, masturbate in front of each other. Vibrators and other sex toys are a great substitute for an erect penis. It’s amazing how much more interesting sex is when you stop making intercourse the main event.
Speaking to The Telegraph in 2023, Kenny (pictured with his wife) said: ‘Whether it be my dyslexia, my relationship, IVF, we’ve always been quite open. So, I was quite happy to talk about erectile dysfunction and all these other things because I was like, ‘It is a symptom’.’
Whatever you do, use lube. Lube should be as essential to sex as oxygen is for breathing. For everyone, any age, any circumstance.
Build desire. Don’t grab straight for his penis and start hopefully pumping. Excite his eyes by watching porn together or a sexy movie. Kiss his neck. Cup his testicles. Squeeze his nipples and cup his testicles. Make eye contact. Tell him what you’re going to do or how turned on it makes you feel. Run your hand up his penis, hold it and squeeze. Then use your fingers to squeeze up and down the shaft.
Now you can use firmer stimulation. Post surgery (and after the healing period), most men like quite vigorous stimulation. Get him to show you what technique he likes best.
Do it for longer. He’ll probably need longer direct stimulation to achieve an erection post-surgery. Make sure you’re comfortable and settle in, making it clear to him that he can relax, lie back and simply enjoy what you’re doing.
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Don’t rush to penetrate. If his erection isn’t as firm or doesn’t last as long, there’s a tendency to rush. This does little except ensure he loses his erection. Penis rings help maintain an erection by stopping the blood flowing out of the penis, prolonging his erection and making it more stable.
Experiment with different positions. Your old favourite might not work but another might. The basic five are: him on top, her on top, side by side, him from behind and standing positions.
For the brave, add anal stimulation. Put a well-lubed finger inside his anus or insert a butt plug and leave it there while you stimulate him elsewhere. Vibrating prostate stimulators have revived many a man’s interest in sex after prostate surgery.
Give sexual compliments. How much you love a certain part of their body. The way their skin feels. How they make you feel. How good they are at what they’re doing. Feeling loved, accepted and wanted sexually is a big part of sexual self-esteem for men.
Tracey’s latest book, Great Sex Starts at 50, has lots of practical information about dealing with sex issues later in life.